Saturday, June 18, 2011

Federal Way spouses discuss infidelity on Oprah's network

Here's a great article that ran on the front page of the Federal Way Mirror on Saturday June 18, 2011.

By ANDY HOBBS
Federal Way Mirror Editor

Jun 16 2011, 7:57 PM

After a fairy tale wedding and honeymoon, Jason and Debby Coleman quickly ran into trouble.
The couple had married young — she was 19 at the time, and he was 22. From the start, Jason was working long hours on evenings and weekends. This became free time for Debby. Outside of her college classes, she spent a lot of time socializing with friends. Communication between the newlyweds was at a minimum, and their expectations of marriage were, in hindsight, unrealistic.
About six weeks into the marriage, Debby and a male acquaintance began an affair.
“Reality slapped me in the face the second we got home from our honeymoon,” Debby said. “I continued to go out with other friends and not really act like I was married. ... I never should have been in those situations.”
The infidelity lasted a couple of months until Jason discovered a letter written by Debby to the other man. In the letter, she wrote about ending the forbidden relationship. Blindsided by the revelation, Jason confronted his wife and asked her to leave.
“I knew we weren’t getting along too well,” Jason said. “I had no idea it had gone to that extreme. It was a total shock to me.”
The Federal Way couple shared their story for the TV series “Unfaithful: Stories of Betrayal,” which airs 9 p.m. Monday, June 20, on OWN: Oprah Winfrey Network. In June 2010, the Colemans published their self-help book “Discovering Your Amazing Marriage” that includes advice on learning to communicate and protect a marriage from infidelity.
Devastated by the affair, the couple eventually reconciled and began the long road toward repairing their marriage. They underwent heartache, late discussions and counseling while improving their communication and nurturing their spiritual sides.
In rebuilding trust, the couple kept each other more accountable.
“This was long before the day of cell phone,” Jason said. “I’m not too proud to admit I checked the mileage on the car” to see if Debby was driving elsewhere. “I was not trying to catch her doing things wrong, but to catch her doing things right.”
“I was perfectly fine with him doing that,” Debby added. “I wanted him to know I was in it 110 percent.”
Almost 22 years and four children later, the Colemans — now in their 40s — credit the infidelity for strengthening their marriage.
“I’m so completely and utterly ashamed of my behavior. I have to believe we went through all of this for a reason,” Debby said. “There are people out there who are struggling and need to know other people have been through the same thing.”
The couple acknowledges that it’s been a tough road, and that their marriage is not perfect.
“Our resolve came in knowing there was something better for us and making a conscious decision to love each other. Love is not a feeling, it’s not an emotion. Love is a consicous decision,” Jason said. “Amid the hurt, anger and broken trust, we chose to love each other.”
Learn more
• To learn more about the Colemans or to check out their book “Discovering Your Amazing Marriage,” visit www.youramazingmarriage.com. Those interested in purchasing the book can enter the coupon code “federalwaymirror” for a 25 percent discount.
• The couple’s segment on “Unfaithful: Stories of Betrayal” airs at 9 p.m. Monday, June 20, on the cable channel OWN: Oprah Winfrey Network.

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