Happy Anniversary My Love!

September 30, 1989...twenty-two years ago I pledged my eternal love to Deborah Denise Miller and she responded by changing her name to mine and pledging her eternal love to me. These past 22 years have barely put a dent in eternity, and yet we have four amazing children, tons of family photos, bonds that can't be broken, and memories to last a lifetime! I can't wait to see what blessings the next 22 years will bring!

Everytime we see an elderly couple we always says, "That's gonna be us!" We have no doubt we will stay together, for we believe that love is a choice we make, every day. Every day we make a conscious decision to put the needs of one another before our own and we find ways to demonstrate our love and passion. Sure, we mis-fire on occasion, but the love we share is nothing short of amazing!

I thank God continually for blessing me beyond measure!

Here's a small blog gift to you my lover! Happy Anniversary!

You're the first thing I think of
Each morning when I rise.
You're the last thing I think of
Each night when I close my eyes.
You're in each thought I have
And every breath I take.
My feelings are growing stronger
With every move I make.
I want to prove I love you
But that's the hardest part.
So, I'm giving all I have to give
To you... I give my heart.

Author: Cara G. Stanfield

All my love,

~ Your Forever Man

Love is a CHOICE

Love is a Choice – Not an Emotion. Have you ever considered the fact that love is a choice? Love is not simply an emotion, yet love affects your emotions…love causes you to laugh & to cry. Love causes you to be happy and sad. Love keeps you awake at night. Love gives you the lump in your throat, the knot in your stomach, the cold sweat on your brow…yes, love does all those things, but love is not an emotion. Love is a choice.

Love affects your emotions and love controls your emotions. Love greatly impacts your emotions, but love IS a choice. You don’t fall in love, you decide to love someone. Really…you decide…you choose to love.

You see, let me explain it this way; love can give you the warm fuzzy feeling when you’re with the one you love, the one you’re attracted to. There’s a definite synergy between the two of you that causes your heart to race or skip a beat, your pulse to pound, and gives you butterflies in your stomach. But those effects are all due to the choice you make to love.

When we say love is a choice, we’re saying that you must choose to love your spouse everyday in such a manner that you make him or her feel as if they are the most important person in the world to you. Because, what happens if love is simply an emotion & love is how you feel…and what if you have a bad day?

What if you stub your toe when you get out of bed…late because the alarm malfunctioned. The coffee pot overflows, you’re stuck in traffic, you are late to work, your boss gives you a poor evaluation that you don’t feel is warranted, you get home to find the kids fighting, dinner is not ready, and as if that wasn’t enough, your wife has decided to perm her hair. She’s in the bathroom with her hair all curled up in a foil bag on top of her head and the house stinks to high heaven!

Would you love her then if love was an emotion? Or will your feelings and emotions kick in and take over? You will be frustrated and annoyed! Annoyed at the clock. Frustrated with the coffee pot, your boss, your evaluation, the kids, the fact that dinner isn’t ready, and to top it off, your wife has a stupid bag on her head! You’re gonna be annoyed! I promise you!

But are you gonna love her? You are going to love her, and do you know why? Because love is a CHOICE. Your love does not waver with your emotions. Sure, you’re frustrated and annoyed…but you keep on loving her. Because it’s the right thing to do and because you CHOOSE to. Don’t fall for the worlds’ view of love that says love is an emotion and a feeling that can be changed as often as you change your oil or cell phone plan.

Love is a choice, and once you start buying into that concept and you change the way you think about your spouse, you will change the way you treat your spouse.  You will also change some of your daily habits. When you start changing some daily habits, your impact your marriage in a amazing ways..

In closing, remember this…

No matter where you are in your marriage today, one thing is certain: the choices you make regarding your spouse and your marriage will have an impact with immediate and long-lasting results!

Federal Way spouses discuss infidelity on Oprah's network

Here's a great article that ran on the front page of the Federal Way Mirror on Saturday June 18, 2011.

By ANDY HOBBS
Federal Way Mirror Editor
Jun 16 2011, 7:57 PM

After a fairy tale wedding and honeymoon, Jason and Debby Coleman quickly ran into trouble.
The couple had married young — she was 19 at the time, and he was 22. From the start, Jason was working long hours on evenings and weekends. This became free time for Debby. Outside of her college classes, she spent a lot of time socializing with friends. Communication between the newlyweds was at a minimum, and their expectations of marriage were, in hindsight, unrealistic.
About six weeks into the marriage, Debby and a male acquaintance began an affair.
“Reality slapped me in the face the second we got home from our honeymoon,” Debby said. “I continued to go out with other friends and not really act like I was married. ... I never should have been in those situations.”
The infidelity lasted a couple of months until Jason discovered a letter written by Debby to the other man. In the letter, she wrote about ending the forbidden relationship. Blindsided by the revelation, Jason confronted his wife and asked her to leave.
“I knew we weren’t getting along too well,” Jason said. “I had no idea it had gone to that extreme. It was a total shock to me.”
The Federal Way couple shared their story for the TV series “Unfaithful: Stories of Betrayal,” which airs 9 p.m. Monday, June 20, on OWN: Oprah Winfrey Network. In June 2010, the Colemans published their self-help book “Discovering Your Amazing Marriage” that includes advice on learning to communicate and protect a marriage from infidelity.
Devastated by the affair, the couple eventually reconciled and began the long road toward repairing their marriage. They underwent heartache, late discussions and counseling while improving their communication and nurturing their spiritual sides.
In rebuilding trust, the couple kept each other more accountable.
“This was long before the day of cell phone,” Jason said. “I’m not too proud to admit I checked the mileage on the car” to see if Debby was driving elsewhere. “I was not trying to catch her doing things wrong, but to catch her doing things right.”
“I was perfectly fine with him doing that,” Debby added. “I wanted him to know I was in it 110 percent.”
Almost 22 years and four children later, the Colemans — now in their 40s — credit the infidelity for strengthening their marriage.
“I’m so completely and utterly ashamed of my behavior. I have to believe we went through all of this for a reason,” Debby said. “There are people out there who are struggling and need to know other people have been through the same thing.”
The couple acknowledges that it’s been a tough road, and that their marriage is not perfect.
“Our resolve came in knowing there was something better for us and making a conscious decision to love each other. Love is not a feeling, it’s not an emotion. Love is a consicous decision,” Jason said. “Amid the hurt, anger and broken trust, we chose to love each other.”
Learn more
• To learn more about the Colemans or to check out their book “Discovering Your Amazing Marriage,” visit www.youramazingmarriage.com. Those interested in purchasing the book can enter the coupon code “federalwaymirror” for a 25 percent discount.
• The couple’s segment on “Unfaithful: Stories of Betrayal” airs at 9 p.m. Monday, June 20, on the cable channel OWN: Oprah Winfrey Network.

For the past several weeks the media and the American public has been captivated with the ever-increasing story of Congressman Weiner-his poor judgment, lies, and potential sexual indiscretions. With the recent announcement that his wife is pregnant this story has taken a bizarre twist and intensifies the intrigue.

With increasing frequency we are learning of the private decisions public officials make that are potentially career-ending. As this story develops, the cries for resignation are gaining momentum. It is therefore not out of political gain, but out of a respect for the sanctity of marriage and the relationship that he could potentially lose with his wife of less than one year that causes me to join those who are calling for his resignation.

Here are 5 steps that I believe Congressman Weiner must take if he desires to save his marriage:

1) Resign immediately. Congressman Weiner, or any public official, cannot mend fences at home while remaining in the public spotlight. His alleged indiscretions are a private matter between he and his wife and they should remain private. The longer Congressman Weiner remains a member of Congress and the longer he maintains his refusal to allow this firestorm to destroy his political career, he longer restoration between he and his wife will be delayed. He needs to remove himself from the public spotlight and work these matters out with his wife.

 2) Break off all contact. Congressman Weiner must break off all contact from the women he was tweeting and texting with. It is critical that he cease all contact and interaction and that he begins to build a wall around him and his wife. He needs to fortify his position at home and guard his heart. I suggest he shut down his Twitter and Facebook accounts, and any other social media he uses to interact with his constituents.

Guarding against intruders is vital to building, achieving, and main­taining an amazing marriage. It is equally vital to rebuilding the trust that has been shattered in this relationship. We cannot say enough about accountabil­ity when it comes to the preservation and protection of your marriage against intruders. We all have our strengths and weaknesses, and given the right set of circumstances you may find yourself facing a situation that you aren’t prepared for.

3) Reveal everything. In private with his wife he needs to be completely truthful and reveal everything he was involved with. It is paramount that he does this, as the truth will come out eventually from other sources and it is critical that he be as transparent as possible with his wife. This will most likely be a very hurtful and difficult time for them both, but everything must be laid out in the open so they can assess the damage before rebuilding.

4) Rebuild trust. Rebuilding trust will take time and is a tough thing to do but is absolutely necessary. This will undoubtedly be a long and tiresome process, but one that is fundamental to their relation­ship.  Trust is one of the primary foundations of a healthy relationship. There’s not much you can build in your relationship if there is an absence of trust. Trust, after all, is the cornerstone of marriage. Trust means having a complete assurance that circumstances will not influence the relationship we share with one another. The vow that many of us have taken that states “for better or for worse, in sickness and in health” simplifies this concept of trust.

Accountability is one of the biggest components of rebuilding trust. Congressman Weiner should seek an accountability partner with whom he can talk about his struggles and who will hold him accountable to do what is right for his marriage.

My wife and I give each other full access to any and all screen names and computers we may be using at any given time. We know each other’s passwords and we have an understanding that if the passwords change, we must inform each other of the change and why. This is not a privacy issue; it is a matter of respect. We respect each other enough to let the other have access to every corner of our lives. It is not a lack of trust, rather a measure of confidence in one an­other and a willingness to be completely open and transparent. There is no area that is off limits in our marriage. If one of us asks for access to anything it is granted, and a discussion follows with regard to the reasons why, if necessary.

Spouses owe it to each other to be honest and transparent with re­gards to concerns the other may have and they should always be brought up in a discussion. Not only does transparency and honesty help guard your heart, but it protects your marriage as well.

5) Make his wife feel as if she is the most important person in the world.

This could be one of the most important steps in rebuilding a relationship and maintaining a relationship. Love is a choice; it is not a feeling or an emotion, but rather a conscious decision that is made on a daily basis. My wife and I have discovered that an amazing marriage is a rare bond between a husband and a wife wherein each one knows that they are the most important person in the eyes of their spouse.

An amazing marriage is the result of the choices you make each and every day. Choices about how you will treat your spouse, how you will talk to your spouse, and so much more.

If Congressman Weiner wants his marriage to be truly dynamic and unique, he needs to be purposeful about the choices he makes and exercise a determined effort in rebuilding his relationship. The same can be said of you and me.

Congressman Weiner, you’ve made some very poor choices. Begin today by choosing to save your marriage and take the necessary steps to rebuilding that which you have begun to destroy. It may be too late for your political career, but your private relationship with your wife is more meaningful and, hopefully, more important.

Just joined Goodreads!

I just joined Goodreads this week and am opening up a whole new avenue to contact other authors, book reviewers, and book lovers! The more I learn about the "world of writing & publishing" the more I realize I have to learn!

Why You Deserve an Amazing Marriage

Let’s begin with an easy question. Why do people settle for a marriage that is “less than amazing?” We would like to suggest a simple answer: Because an amazing marriage takes work. You cannot sit back and just watch it happen. It doesn’t evolve over time with little or no effort. It doesn’t just happen on its own. An amazing marriage can’t be purchased, won, or inherited, and it can’t be found on the Internet.

An amazing marriage is the result of the choices you make each and every day. Choices about how you will treat your spouse, the level of respect you will render to your spouse, how you will talk to your spouse, and so much more. You can choose to make your marriage amazing, or you can choose to accept the status quo.

If you want your marriage to be truly dynamic and unique, you need to be purposeful about the choices you make and exercise a determined effort in building your relationship. This can’t be a once-in-a-while effort, or a whenever-you-feel-like-it effort, but a consistent and daily effort. You will need to make good choices that demonstrate your commitment to your spouse.

It takes a consistent effort on a daily basis to show your mate that he or she is the most important person in your life. The choices you make will demonstrate your allegiance to your spouse and your marriage. If you are not purposeful and consistent, the best you will achieve in your relationship may be mediocrity. The choice is yours.

An amazing marriage takes daily effort and requires a significant amount of time. It requires a process that grows and evolves over time as you work at it; there is no quick-fix solution you can apply when you feel it is warranted or needed. There may be times when emotions run wild — this is when people say stupid and thoughtless things — and then to avoid a fight or confrontation, a quick-fix solution to minimize the damage may seem like the best choice.

When you apply this approach, you may improve the moment but not the relationship. Repeated quick-fix solutions may have the opposite affect; by hiding and covering up your core challenges again and again, it may be difficult to gain the trust of your spouse when a genuine effort is made. Unfortunately, these Band-Aid approaches usually do more harm than good.

Let’s define what an amazing marriage is not. It is not a perfect marriage. It is not a marriage without heartaches and hardships. It is not a marriage without disappointment and pain. It’s certainly not a storybook fairy tale that ends with, “and they lived happily ever after.” Unfortunately, an amazing marriage is not the norm in society, either.

We have discovered that an amazing marriage is a rare bond between a husband and a wife wherein each one knows that they are the most important person in the eyes of their spouse. It is special and it is unique. We know that this special bond can be realized through a consistent effort and with a daily commitment of putting the other person first, at all times.

Excerpt from "Discovering Your Amazing Marriage" - available on amazon.com; to read more, pick up a copy today at amazon.com or your favorite book seller.

Apple Cup Rivalry

Local authors Jason and Debby Coleman have been competing their entire lives. Jason graduated from Sough Kitsap (Port Orchard, WA) in 1985 and Debby from Bremerton High in 1987. Their friends often joked that Wolves and Knights just didn't get along and their relationship would never last. Fast-forward their lives by a few years and they escalate their competing loyalties to the next level. Although neither of them attended a 4-yr university, Jason is a "purple-bleeding" Husky and Debby a tried-and-true loyal Cougar fan.

So it was extremely appropriate that on Apple Cup Saturday this year, they participated in a local authors book signing event at The Bethel Avenue Book Company, Port Orchard, WA, proudly sporting their team colors. None of this may be unique and eye-raising in these parts, except for the fact that they were signing copies of their newly released book, "Discovering Your Amazing Marriage."

Debby says, "Hey, we may disagree on the Apple Cup, but that's part of our message! Husbands and wives will disagree on many things throughout their relationship, but what is important is how you disagree and how you communicate and resolve those disagreements!" Jason adds that, "The majority of issues that any two people in a relationship have can be traced back to poor communication or unmet expectations. In our book we talk about the importance of communication and how to talk through disagreements and the various challenges we face." He went on to say that they specifically chose to wear their opposing team color jackets to the book signing to illustrate that even though there are times in all of our lives that we disagree with our spouse or our mate, we can choose to live in harmony, even with on-going disagreements.

Despite having split loyalties when it comes to schools and sports teams, Jason and Debby have been married for 21 years and their primary focus is to encourage others that marriage can be amazing and it is worth staying together. They have faced challenges in their relationship that go far beyond the pettiness of a football game and have chosen to stay together and make their relationship what it is today. They both say it’s not easy, but it’s definitely worth it!

Jason quipped, "Every year when we put up our Christmas tree, the Husky and Cougar ornaments are hung at the same level...until the Apple Cup is played. After the game, the winning team ornament moves up to the top of the tree. My Husky ornament proudly moved up several branches this year!"

The book signing event featured more than half a dozen local authors and is an event the book store hosts twice a year. For more information on "Discovering Your Amazing Marriage" visit www.youramazingmarriage.com or amazon at http://amzn.to/e0yyUD.