For the past several weeks the media and the American public has been captivated with the ever-increasing story of Congressman Weiner-his poor judgment, lies, and potential sexual indiscretions. With the recent announcement that his wife is pregnant this story has taken a bizarre twist and intensifies the intrigue.
With increasing frequency we are learning of the private decisions public officials make that are potentially career-ending. As this story develops, the cries for resignation are gaining momentum. It is therefore not out of political gain, but out of a respect for the sanctity of marriage and the relationship that he could potentially lose with his wife of less than one year that causes me to join those who are calling for his resignation.
Here are 5 steps that I believe Congressman Weiner must take if he desires to save his marriage:
1) Resign immediately. Congressman Weiner, or any public official, cannot mend fences at home while remaining in the public spotlight. His alleged indiscretions are a private matter between he and his wife and they should remain private. The longer Congressman Weiner remains a member of Congress and the longer he maintains his refusal to allow this firestorm to destroy his political career, he longer restoration between he and his wife will be delayed. He needs to remove himself from the public spotlight and work these matters out with his wife.
2) Break off all contact. Congressman Weiner must break off all contact from the women he was tweeting and texting with. It is critical that he cease all contact and interaction and that he begins to build a wall around him and his wife. He needs to fortify his position at home and guard his heart. I suggest he shut down his Twitter and Facebook accounts, and any other social media he uses to interact with his constituents.
Guarding against intruders is vital to building, achieving, and maintaining an amazing marriage. It is equally vital to rebuilding the trust that has been shattered in this relationship. We cannot say enough about accountability when it comes to the preservation and protection of your marriage against intruders. We all have our strengths and weaknesses, and given the right set of circumstances you may find yourself facing a situation that you aren’t prepared for.
3) Reveal everything. In private with his wife he needs to be completely truthful and reveal everything he was involved with. It is paramount that he does this, as the truth will come out eventually from other sources and it is critical that he be as transparent as possible with his wife. This will most likely be a very hurtful and difficult time for them both, but everything must be laid out in the open so they can assess the damage before rebuilding.
4) Rebuild trust. Rebuilding trust will take time and is a tough thing to do but is absolutely necessary. This will undoubtedly be a long and tiresome process, but one that is fundamental to their relationship. Trust is one of the primary foundations of a healthy relationship. There’s not much you can build in your relationship if there is an absence of trust. Trust, after all, is the cornerstone of marriage. Trust means having a complete assurance that circumstances will not influence the relationship we share with one another. The vow that many of us have taken that states “for better or for worse, in sickness and in health” simplifies this concept of trust.
Accountability is one of the biggest components of rebuilding trust. Congressman Weiner should seek an accountability partner with whom he can talk about his struggles and who will hold him accountable to do what is right for his marriage.
My wife and I give each other full access to any and all screen names and computers we may be using at any given time. We know each other’s passwords and we have an understanding that if the passwords change, we must inform each other of the change and why. This is not a privacy issue; it is a matter of respect. We respect each other enough to let the other have access to every corner of our lives. It is not a lack of trust, rather a measure of confidence in one another and a willingness to be completely open and transparent. There is no area that is off limits in our marriage. If one of us asks for access to anything it is granted, and a discussion follows with regard to the reasons why, if necessary.
Spouses owe it to each other to be honest and transparent with regards to concerns the other may have and they should always be brought up in a discussion. Not only does transparency and honesty help guard your heart, but it protects your marriage as well.
5) Make his wife feel as if she is the most important person in the world.
This could be one of the most important steps in rebuilding a relationship and maintaining a relationship. Love is a choice; it is not a feeling or an emotion, but rather a conscious decision that is made on a daily basis. My wife and I have discovered that an amazing marriage is a rare bond between a husband and a wife wherein each one knows that they are the most important person in the eyes of their spouse.
An amazing marriage is the result of the choices you make each and every day. Choices about how you will treat your spouse, how you will talk to your spouse, and so much more.
If Congressman Weiner wants his marriage to be truly dynamic and unique, he needs to be purposeful about the choices he makes and exercise a determined effort in rebuilding his relationship. The same can be said of you and me.
Congressman Weiner, you’ve made some very poor choices. Begin today by choosing to save your marriage and take the necessary steps to rebuilding that which you have begun to destroy. It may be too late for your political career, but your private relationship with your wife is more meaningful and, hopefully, more important.
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